Quote of the Day (2011-01-31)

Jim Hacker: "Suppose he [Professor Henderson] produces one of these cautious wait-and-see reports?"

Sir Humphrey: "Well in that case we don't publish it, we use the American report instead."

Jim Hacker: "Oh fine. You mean we suppress it?"

Sir Humphrey: "Certainly not, we just don't publish it."

Jim Hacker: "What's the difference?"

Sir Humphrey: "Oh Minister, all the difference in the world. Suppression is the instrument of totalitarian dictatorship, we don't talk of that sort of thing in a free country. We simply take a democratic decision not to publish it."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-01-30)

Parole Board chairman: They've got a name for people like you H.I. That name is called "recidivism."

Parole Board member: Repeat offender!

Parole Board chairman: Not a pretty name, is it H.I.?

H.I.: No, sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me any more.

Parole Board chairman: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?

H.I.: No, sir, no way.

Parole Board member: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.

H.I.: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.

Parole Board chairman: Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?

H.I.: Yes, sir.

Parole Board chairman: Okay, then.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2011-01-28)

Agnes Moorhouse: "Animals have rights too, you know. A battery chicken's life isn't worth living. Would you want to spend your life packed in with six hundred other desperate, squawking, smelly creatures, unable to breathe fresh air, unable to move, unable to stretch, unable to think?"

Sir Humphrey: "Certainly not, that is why I never stood for Parliament."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-01-27)

LAUNCELOT Brave, brave Concorde! You shall not have died in vain!

CONCORDE: Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, sir.

LAUNCELOT: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!

CONCORDE: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir.

LAUNCELOT: Oh, I see.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-01-26)

Westley: Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?

Inigo Montoya: Let me 'splain.

[pause]

Inigo Montoya: No, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marry' Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour. So all we have to do is get in, break up the wedding, steal the princess, make our escape... after I kill Count Rugen.

Westley: That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying.

Fezzik: You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful.

Westley: I've always been a quick healer. What are our liabilities?

Inigo Montoya: There is but one working castle gate, and... and it is guarded by 60 men.

Westley: And our assets?

Inigo Montoya: Your brains, Fezzik's strength, my steel.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2011-01-25)

Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs.

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2011-01-24)

David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.

Ian Faith: I really think you're just making much too big a thing out of it.

Derek Smalls: Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea.

Source: This is Spinal Tap

Quote of the Day (2011-01-23)

And I want his only daughter to look upon me... as her own dad -- in a very real, and legally binding sense.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-01-22)

Cliff: Well ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2011-01-21)

Carolyn Burnham: Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2011-01-20)

Frasier: Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper will utter those heartfelt words, 'Is this all I got?'

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2011-01-19)

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, f*** off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we f*** off, O Lord?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-01-18)

Uncle Willie: [hung over] Awww... this is one of those days that the pages of history teach us are best spent lying in bed.

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2011-01-17)

Narrator: Do you want me to deprioritize my current reports until you advise me of a status upgrade?

Richard Chesler: Yes. Make these your primary action items.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2011-01-16)

Harry Burns: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.

Sally Albright: Which one am I?

Harry Burns: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2011-01-15)

[after Eduardo has turned up in California to find Sean has moved in with Mark and working on Facebook]

Mark Zuckerberg: So how is Christy?

Eduardo Saverin: Christy's crazy.

Mark Zuckerberg: Is that fun?

Eduardo Saverin: Nope. She's actually psychotic. She's insanely jealous, she is irrational and I'm...I'm frightened of her.

Mark Zuckerberg: Still, it's nice you have a girlfriend.

Source: The Social Network

Quote of the Day (2011-01-14)

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!

HERBERT: What, the curtains?

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-01-13)

The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us...and our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast, terrible in-between.

Source: Babylon 5

Quote of the Day (2011-01-12)

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2011-01-11)

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".

[Everyone gasps]

Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!

Jewish Official: Was it you?

Stoner: Yes.

Jewish Official: Right...

Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "

[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]

Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "

[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2011-01-10)

James Hacker: [Discussing ways to reform the education system] No, the DES would block it.

Dorothy Wainwright: Fine, get rid of them.

James Hacker: What?

Dorothy Wainwright: Get rid of the Department of Education.

James Hacker: I don't understand you.

Dorothy Wainwright: Get rid of it! Abolish it! Remove it! Expunge it! Eliminate it! Eradicate it! Exterminate it! Get rid of it!

James Hacker: Get rid of it?

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2011-01-09)

Martin: Women protect their privacy. You know how they are about their handbags, you never go in there. It's always "bring me my purse." A husband could say, "Honey, I'm being robbed, a guy's got a gun to my head and I don't have any money," the wife'd say, "Bring me my purse."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-01-08)

Alice: Boy, you men kill me; you're all alike. You want us women to bow and scrape at your feet. You men just think that you own this world.

Ralph: Yeah, but you women get revenge. You marry us!

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2011-01-07)

Niles: That bit of inspired lunacy you heard before the commercial was just a little docudrama Frasier and I put together on the dangers of over-medication. Bravo, Frasier, for so brilliantly demonstrating why they call it "dope."

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2011-01-06)

Narrator: I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2011-01-05)

Carol: Fucking H.M.O. bastard pieces of shit!

Beverly Connelly: Carol!

Carol: Sorry.

Dr. Martin Bettes: It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name.

Source: As Good As It Gets

Quote of the Day (2011-01-04)

I'm saying, that the right man for you might be out there right now, and if you don't grab him someone else will and you'll have spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2011-01-03)

Philip: Oh, I tell you. Women are not the sensitive sex. That's one of the grand delusions of literature. Men are the true romanticists.

Source: Indiscreet

Quote of the Day (2011-01-02)

Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.

Source: Fight Club

Quote of the Day (2011-01-01)

Lisa Simpson: Dad, look!

[holds TV up]

Homer Simpson: Television! Teacher, mother...

Homer Simpson: [lustily] ... secret lover. Urge to kill... fading... fading... fading - rising! Fading... fading... gone.

[Family sighs]

Homer Simpson: Come, family. sit in the snow with daddy and let us all bask in TV's warm glowing warming glow.

[Hours later, everyone is frozen]

man introducing Tony Awards: [on TV] Live, from Broadway, it's the Tony Awards, with your hosts Tyne Daly and Hal Linden!

Bart Simpson: [With difficulty] Homer... change channel.

Homer Simpson: Can't! frozen!

[music on TV: "One chorus line of people...ô?]

Homer Simpson: [Family screams]

Homer Simpson: Urge to kill... rising...

Source: The Simpsons